Disclaimer: Not original work, came across my email, made me laugh, it is a joke. ;)
Economic Model with Cows
SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbor.
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows.
None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy.... A
N AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Technology and the Professional
I have a "knack" for certain things technological, but no formal training. Hence, I possess large gaps of rudimentary knowledge, yet an innate ability for occasional flashes of brilliance in the realm of computers. Even my IS department calls me when stuck on something new occasionally.
Last night, upon arriving home from another stunning three days of cohort excellence, I booted up my computer (okay, I kissed the other half hello first) and went to triggerstreet.com to do some unwinding by reading a friend's screenplay. Adobe Acrobat wanted to update itself, so I graciously allowed it, but refused to let it restart my computer, telling it to chill until I turned it off later. This morning, Adobe, in a fit of petulance, conspired with Norton to conflict themselves into spasms and not allow my system to restart. I tried various actions, up to and including swearing at it and going to watch Becket because every good problem needs Peter O'Toole somewhere in the solution. Finally, I resolved the situation by doing a system restore to a checkpoint from Tuesday night, and voila, back online and ready to do some homework.
At one point during the troubleshooting phrase, however, I wound up asking my other half, who was cheerfully online and playing WoW (bastard), to google "safe mode" because I couldn't remember which function key toggled it. He promptly started to type in some long bit about what command to use to get to safe mode, and I gently ordered him to just frickin' type "safe mode". See, another knack I have is for finding things on the internet, something he completely lacks. Considering he was a former network administrator, this amuses the hell out of me. Of course, with ten years out of that business, he's a virtual dinosaur, and nowadays, I do all of our computer troubleshooting, I being the more patient of the two. [I also do all calls to tech support centers, because I fear for assassins being sent to our door if this usually nice man winds up having to deal with that particular level of idiocy known as phone support for Dell or Charter.] But, I digress.
The point of all of this is that even really intelligent people, people who know computers, can also NOT know high technology. Getting and adapting to the ever-changing world of computers et al is not just a matter of studying and being open-minded. For some of us, it's easy, because it truly is "a knack," and for the others, no matter how much they want to, it just won't be that simple. Now take someone who lacks the knack (and I'll give you someone who isn't humming "My Sharona"), throw in a full-time, high-powered, sensitive, political, and exasperating job, and now try to convince them to spend even more time learning how to wiki or use email with patients. Can you say pushback? And it's not just a pushback of a Dinosaur Brigade. Some people just won't get it, not easily, and the time investment it will take is something they just cannot comprehend spending. Because on top of all that, we're also asking them to learn our EMR, and the hospital down the road will want them to learn their EMR, and god forbid their clinic implement one of their own. Do they click here and type there? Choose from a pull-down list, memorize a keystroke sequence? Was that here or was that at the last job?
The questions threaten to overwhelm. So the next time we're feeling like integrating everything into a nifty, easy-to-use technological package, remember the "knack" and that most of us don't have it. Getting those few administrators or doctors on board that have the knack will be easy, so don't relax just because the CEO is all for it. We have to find a way to knack-proof our systems so the vast majority can access it with minimal angst and time commitment.
I don't see an easy way to do this. The simplest way would be to pick one integrated system and implement it everywhere, but that destroys any sense of competition and free market, and then we get stuck in another conundrum.
It's no wonder people just want to lo-tech it and keep using pen and paper. At least they understand that, and they don't have to worry about Adobe attacking Norton and fighting to the death.
Quote of the Day:
"A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world." -- Oscar Wilde
Last night, upon arriving home from another stunning three days of cohort excellence, I booted up my computer (okay, I kissed the other half hello first) and went to triggerstreet.com to do some unwinding by reading a friend's screenplay. Adobe Acrobat wanted to update itself, so I graciously allowed it, but refused to let it restart my computer, telling it to chill until I turned it off later. This morning, Adobe, in a fit of petulance, conspired with Norton to conflict themselves into spasms and not allow my system to restart. I tried various actions, up to and including swearing at it and going to watch Becket because every good problem needs Peter O'Toole somewhere in the solution. Finally, I resolved the situation by doing a system restore to a checkpoint from Tuesday night, and voila, back online and ready to do some homework.
At one point during the troubleshooting phrase, however, I wound up asking my other half, who was cheerfully online and playing WoW (bastard), to google "safe mode" because I couldn't remember which function key toggled it. He promptly started to type in some long bit about what command to use to get to safe mode, and I gently ordered him to just frickin' type "safe mode". See, another knack I have is for finding things on the internet, something he completely lacks. Considering he was a former network administrator, this amuses the hell out of me. Of course, with ten years out of that business, he's a virtual dinosaur, and nowadays, I do all of our computer troubleshooting, I being the more patient of the two. [I also do all calls to tech support centers, because I fear for assassins being sent to our door if this usually nice man winds up having to deal with that particular level of idiocy known as phone support for Dell or Charter.] But, I digress.
The point of all of this is that even really intelligent people, people who know computers, can also NOT know high technology. Getting and adapting to the ever-changing world of computers et al is not just a matter of studying and being open-minded. For some of us, it's easy, because it truly is "a knack," and for the others, no matter how much they want to, it just won't be that simple. Now take someone who lacks the knack (and I'll give you someone who isn't humming "My Sharona"), throw in a full-time, high-powered, sensitive, political, and exasperating job, and now try to convince them to spend even more time learning how to wiki or use email with patients. Can you say pushback? And it's not just a pushback of a Dinosaur Brigade. Some people just won't get it, not easily, and the time investment it will take is something they just cannot comprehend spending. Because on top of all that, we're also asking them to learn our EMR, and the hospital down the road will want them to learn their EMR, and god forbid their clinic implement one of their own. Do they click here and type there? Choose from a pull-down list, memorize a keystroke sequence? Was that here or was that at the last job?
The questions threaten to overwhelm. So the next time we're feeling like integrating everything into a nifty, easy-to-use technological package, remember the "knack" and that most of us don't have it. Getting those few administrators or doctors on board that have the knack will be easy, so don't relax just because the CEO is all for it. We have to find a way to knack-proof our systems so the vast majority can access it with minimal angst and time commitment.
I don't see an easy way to do this. The simplest way would be to pick one integrated system and implement it everywhere, but that destroys any sense of competition and free market, and then we get stuck in another conundrum.
It's no wonder people just want to lo-tech it and keep using pen and paper. At least they understand that, and they don't have to worry about Adobe attacking Norton and fighting to the death.
Quote of the Day:
"A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world." -- Oscar Wilde
Friday, June 27, 2008
Getting Started
Insert random filler here as I start this out and go back to paying attention in class.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
Posts
