The Fun of Parenthood

I teethed my children on sarcasm and fantasy novels. If there's a better way to plan for real life, I'm not sure what it is. You are schooled in the art of snappy replies to idiots, and when real life get too much, you have been taught where to run to refresh yourself.


Parenting is not always fun and not always rewarding, but it has its moments where you go, "YES!"

You know you've done your job right when your eldest, a boy of nearly sixteen, tells you "Mom, if you weren't my mom, I'd love to hang out with you. You're cool. And my friends would like you."

You know you've REALLY done your job right, when he looks at you contemplatively and remarks, "When you're not being evil, you're kinda cute."

What I love about the first statement is it shows that he has seen me as a person, but still sees me as a mom, so I have that power and fear factor over him. Fear is important when you're only 5'1" and your children will all be taller than you. I hate parents that are "friends" to their kids at the expense of being PARENTS. I also hate parents that are parents at the expense of being HUMAN. I mean really, you were just like them in high school. You wanted to try booze and pot and feel someone up and get felt up. You were rebellious prats oozing hormones at every pore. Your kids know this. So don't be a jackass and get all holier-than-thou now that you realize how completely retarded you were as a teen.

Don't. Be. Richard. Vernon.

You don't have to give details about how you groped around in the backseat of an Oldsmobile Ninety-Eight to the amorous beats of Judas Priest. Trust me, NO ONE wants those details. Just be honest. It's more real to explain how you screwed up than to hide from your kids that you ever did anything wrong. And if it was fun, that's okay to admit too. You can teach while admitting that while fun, it might not have been the safest/best/smartest thing ever. That's what we do, and it seems to be working.

What I love about the second statement is that I've obviously been doing my job right if I'm mostly evil. This is good. And the kinda cute comment can either be a showing of true admiration or advanced sarcasm. Either one is acceptable.

Tonight, I'm going to get them to watch Suspiria and try to make them scream. Terrifying without permanent scarring is an art form.

God, I love being a mom.